1. Form and keep routines
not met. unfortunately I did not keep this goal. Its really hard to form routines when your life is soo hectic and I am not able to choose what to do when to do it. Like for example doing laundry. I want to do it certain times and certain days but I cant because others are using it. Also when I was sick it was hard for me to do anything remotely on time…

2. Learn to play the guitar
not met. I haven’t really practiced to be honest. I think this is something I am going to do on the back burner. Maybe make this a lifelong goal instead of trying to get it done in a year or so. So I will not put this as a goal for next year.

3. learn to knit and knit a scarf
partially done. I kinda know how to knit. I was able to cast on and do a few lines. I didn’t get a scarf done or anything like that though.. its pretty fun though! I enjoy it! I want to continue to work on this when I have time … when I have time! Hah! Anyway so this is a partially met goal

4. write 12 letters this year
not met. Wow I feel like I haven’t done anything I planed to do this year. I didn’t really have anyone to write to this year. So this is not done. Maybe I will continue to try.. maybe not. I am not sure yet.

5. lose weight, go on a diet and exercise regularly
not met. To be honest I didn’t even weigh myself all year this year! I know I know this is aweful.

6. read at least 12 books this year
exceeded this goal. I read a total of 21 books this year. Here is a list:
1. The Bridges of Madison County - Robert James Waller
2. Like Water for Chocolate - Laura Esquivel
3. The Zahir - Paulo Coelho
4. For One More Day - Mitch Albom
5. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - JK Rowling
6. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince - JK Rowling
7. Until the Real Thing Comes Along - Elizabeth Berg
8. Little Alters Everywhere - Rebecca Wells
9. Pen Pals - Olivia Goldsmith
10. Fat Girl - Judith Moore
11. Downers Grove - Micheal Hornburg
12. A Walk To Remember - Nicholas Sparks
13. Life Makeovers - Cheryl Richardson
14. The Giver - Lois Lowry
15. Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood - Rebecca Wells
16. In Her Shoes - Jennifer Weiner
17. A Wedding in December - Anita Shreve
18. White Oleander - Janet Fitch
19. The Golden Compass - Phillip Pullman
20. All He Ever Wanted - Anita Shreve
21. The View From Here - Brian Keith Jackson

7. live more simply
met. I think I have done a good job with this. I decluttered a bit. Which of course I could always do more but I did do some which is good. I have been working on being more calm and just relaxing a bit.

8. read up on budda and learn to meditate
did not met. Ok I know I should have been doing this but I didn’t. no excuse no talking nothing.

9. go to church more (at least 2 times a month)
considering it met. well I went mostly twice a month. I think that’s great

10. read the entire Bible
not completely met. I was reading the chorological readings. So I am technically on September. So I should have really made this a two year goal. But I didn’t I will be adding this for next year as well.

well i have been going to the orientation for nursing.. its been pretty good.. what has bothered me though is that i am waiting and waiting for for school to give me my book allowance.. i thought i would get it yesterday.. so i cant buy books.. and its bothering me.. like i have been having serious anxiety over my lack of being able to pay for my stuff.. like nightmares.. ok not really bad nightmares.. but like bad dreams about it.. its frustrating and stupid that i feel this way...

other than that things are ok.. i am starting to regain my faithe.. i had a little bump in road on my way there.. which i am assuming happens to others as well so its not like i am that aweful of a person or anything.. oh well.. so yeah... i am about a month late..

well there is so much going on.. i still havent been giving an engagement party. i expected people to be happy bout it. i expected something but nope... nothing.. nobody seems to care that this is happening to us. what bothers me the most is that i would act differently if my friend/family member were getting engaged. i would give gifts/take them out to celebration lunch/dinners.. throw some sort of party.. something! it still upsets me

and well i have been treying really hard to better myself.. i have given up drinking/soda/cig/mayo.... i have started reading the bible every day. i have been going to church (ok all this is up till maybe a month ago) but yeah i have been working on myself.. physically/emotionally/spiritually

and well id feel so stuck like i am not getting anywhere! i dont feel like i am getting respect that i should. i dont see any results whatsoever... i jsut am so fed up...

i have been wishing at times that i could be selfish and rude and be treated the same other selfish rude people are treated.. they get everything and i get... what... no respect? no freaking party!? or aknowledgement of our happy time together! its frustrating! i am unhappy!

i am happy happy though.. i love alex and we are great.. its everyone and everything other than that that is bothering me. blah! grr!

i am going to be cleaning up my journal. i do this periodically. i guess there are some memories i rather not really remember does that make sense? things are at a point in my life where i should make a change... so here goes

oh and with the cleaning comes the clearing out people who no longer want to be active part of my journalling expirence... let me know.. leave me a comment and let me know what you want.. i wont have any hard feelings. if you want to continue to be part of my lj life then so be it. i am glad to have you... but if not i wont waste each others time..

leave comments.

i got into the nursing department.. i just had to do a criminal background check.. which shouldnt be a big deal... but yerah i find out how that went on wednesday.. so i am not really registered yet.. but i will be soon (hopefully)

but yay! nursing! engagement! yay! things seem to be on the up and up

i am going to start off june right.. i am going to read what people are going through.. i am going to document my life.. (especially now that i am engaged i want to be able to make a scrap book one day or something similar)

alex told my parents. my dad kinda smiled (half smile) but didnt really say much.. didnt say anythign really! it hurts me to question his love.. but i do. i know he cares.. or else we wouldnt be living here. or maybe its my mother that cares.. well one of them cares. but i dont knwo i was secretely hoping they would throw us an engagement party or something similar. but nope...

um.. i got my sister arrested the other day for pi. i dont really want to go into it. i have had to tell everyone at least once how it "went down" i am just tired of it. its sad she chooses this path. but i have tried.. more than once and well... dont know what else to do.. i have a life too.

this week we are telling alex's brother. he wants to tell them in person (he hates using the phone) it kinda upsets me because i wish he would just grow some balls and tell him but he thinks it would be better to do it in person. his brother isnt really the problem, its his mom. blah

i guess thats it.

today is my 2 year aniversary with alex.. yesterday we went out because today he had to work... we went to olive garden.... then he gave me chocolates.... there was a ring in the bottom of the bag!!!! ok i didnt see it at first.. and i had no clue what was going on. and i was pouty at lunch... so yeah i might have ruined the moment a bit...

but i am engaged!!!! we have only told my brothers gf so far.. she cant stop hugging us... the ring is getting sized so we wont be telling anyone till wednesday. i am so excited!!!! it feels a bit unreal.. maybe bc the ring isnt on my finger...

update on wed or thurs

i think i have said countless of times that i no longer wanted to write... been a long time.. or long time no see.. or whatever it is implying that i havent been around.. it sucks! i am not good at keeping up with things when everything else gets out of control

well.. i am here.. the semester ended. alex and are still good. i applied for nursing.. been going to church. fighting with my kitties..

things are good.

so i thought this valentines day would be a big let down.. since well i dont know.. i am not engaged! hehe ok yeah that plays a role in every day.. anyway...

guess what i got!?


i got a kitten! hehe he is darling.. he is white and brown tabby, big big eyes.. and totally adorable.. very calm.. i am working on getting him and magic to get along. she isnt a very friendly kitty.. so its really annoying..

his name is loki! hehe how adorable isnt he? anyway i will take pics tonite.. so if anyone interested let me know.. we took him to the vet (see we are such good parents.. ) unfortunately he has some ear mites.. but we are going to work on clearing that up...

i have been having alot of struggles with weight lately... i dont know why or what my problem is but yeah.. i have been really icky with weight lately... grr!

here is something aweful about me.. i envy the willpower or whatever of poeple with eating disorders.. i know how aweful that sounds.. i am sure people who had them wished they didnt (grass is greener on the other side) but yeah... times like these i wish i had an eating disorder.. bc even though i wont be happy i would be skinny..

i am such a horrible person i know

1. Form and keep routines
i started to form routines but then i was terribly ill all month so i kinda let them go to shit.. i am going to start on them again.. hopefully sit down and work on it today.. i did however keep a routine for the first two weeks on january

2. Learn to play the guitar
hm... i didnt practice

3. learn to knit and knit a scarf
havent done this either

4. write 12 letters this year
i wrote one letter but i havent mailed it.. not good i know.. so yeah i will be mailing it hopefully today then i will be able to start a new one

5. lose weight, go on a diet and excersize regularly
i havent weighed myself this year. and well i havent done anything remotely healthy. like i was saying earlier i was feeling ill and just didnt want to be bothered with it.. i know its bad... grr! starting off today though (i think)

6. read at least 12 books this year
i read 3 already. again i am open to recommendations

7. live more simply
my room got really messy and well its added drama. so i need to restart and clean it again! which is frustrating bc it was so nice just a few weeks ago.. so yeah thats something i need to work on. i have been doing somewaht ok with my anger.. i have lashed out maybe once or twice this month... lets see... still no drinking so thats good.

8. read up on budda and learn to meditate
no... and no... sorry

9. go to church more (at least 2 times a month)
i only went once this month bc the other days i was so icky i didnt want to get out of bed.. but i do think that this church that i went to will be the one that i am going to keep going to.. i used to go there as a kid and i think that familiarity of it makes me feel at home.. or something.. that and its not too small and not too big.. oh and they just built a chaple (when i was younger the mass was in this huge gym type of thing) and its pretty

10. read the entire Bible
i dont read everyday but i do read several times a week and as of today i think i am on feb 20th? so i am doing good. i am not tryign to speed through it or anything its just thats where i am... i dont like stoping after reading just a few chapters.. i want to read like several if i am reading.. but all and all i am doing this.. very well i might add. and its helping

be trusting and faithful....


i am working towards being more trustful and faithful by readin the Bible and going to Church more.

1. read 28 books
2. gave up alcohol
3. started a Bible reading plan
4. spent alot of quality time with alex
5. developed a 15 min quick clean routine
6. made a set of goals (43 things)
7. donated blood
8. became slightly more organized (used my planner daily)
9. started a routine with going to my grandmothers to play cards with her
10. finished 2 paintings that i am proud of
11. learned/appreciated photography
12. stood up for myself more
13. made good grades
14. learned my cardiology algorhythms
15. set boundries with people who drain me/or add drama to my life
16. helped Ana's mom with things
17. got a new car
18. spent time in galveston taking care of my father/helping my mom cope with him being hospitalized
19. worked 911 for several months
20. renewed my CPR card
21. spent time making a baby smile
22. quit smoking
23. stayed out of debt
24. take my vitamines daily
25. memorized 50 state capitals

2007 what a great start! hehe ok. so i havent updated in a while so i thought i will let people know whats been new with me..

christmas was ok.. nothing too exciting occured but it was a nice time..

new years! well that was my favorite part of the holidays.. we (alex and i) and well my brother his gf and some of his other friends went to my aunts place in port mansfield.. it was alot of fun.. except the fishing wasnt too dooable it was way too cold. but it was nice to be well with him and not really be bothered by anyone...

this year is going to be such a change.. i am determined to keep my new year's resolutions..

alright well i will update later then.. take care everyone and have a great new year...

This is what I plan on doing this year.. It may be alot but I think i will be able to do this and everything else i plan on doing. its important for me to well grow as a person.


1. Form and keep routines
I want to do routines in i think 1-2 week periods. these things will include stuff as laundry, cleaning.. doing homework, study, letter writting, some of my other goals. and well just everything in general) I think keeping these routines will help me with my life being less stressful and what not...

2. Learn to play the guitar
i have the guitar already. i didnt do well with this last year.. but i am going to incorperate it into my routines

3. learn to knit and knit a scarf

4. write 12 letters this year
this is a bare minimum. its important to maintain relationships that i have developed and part of that includes writting letters

5. lose weight, go on a diet and excersize regularly
i would love to set this up in part of my routines start of with a light excersize till i get used to getting this done then try to do it more and more... that and well go on a diet start of with eating as healthy as i can. i dont want to do soemthing too drastic and not be able to keep it up... i jut need to work on changing these things in my life.. oh and i think a big problem with this and last year was that i didnt weigh myself or even keep track of where i was headed.. i want to update my resolutions at least every 2 weeks

6. read at least 12 books this year
again this is a bare minimum.. i am sure that this will exceed but just to start off i would like it to be 12.. on and in the month of June i want to re-read harry potter and the order of the pheonix (since the movie comes out in july) and if anyone wants to recommend any book please do so

7. live more simply
this involves working on my anger problems, and well continuing the no drinking and just figureing out what people i want to stay close to and what people well basically i cant handle being around... too much drama anymore its not worth it.. oh and this also involves me trying to eliminate clutter

8. read up on budda and learn to meditate
this kinda works with the whole living more simply and basically just relaxing

9. go to church more (at least 2 times a month)

10. read the entire Bible
i am going to go with the chronological readings. i found a website that breaks it down for you by days and what not.. it seems very do-able..

1. Read at least 10 books this year I definitely hit this one out of the park! The books I read for this year are : Running with Scissors, Dry, Neverwhere, Flowers in the Attic, Lucky Every Day (The Wisdom of Diane Geppi-Aikens), Edge of Reason, Holidays on Ice, Angels and Demons, Da Vinci Code, Petals in the Wind, American Gods, The Wedding , Lucky, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Through the Looking Glass, Tuesdays with Morrie, My Sister's Keeper, The Magicians Nephew, The Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe, The Horse and his Boy, 10 Stupid Things Women do to Mess up Their Lives, Prince Caspian, Flowers in the Attic, What Men Want, The Dawn Voyager, Veronika Decides to Die, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, Haunted…
wow so that’s 28 books for the year…

2. Lose 5 pounds a month I did really well for a while but then it went to shit.. the problem was was that I don’t know what I weighed to begin with.. but yeah I don’t look like I lost any, I probably gained so much! But this is one of the resolutions I am going to try to work on next year

3. continue the no Soda with caffeine um… no. I did quit drinking beer though so that was pretty good.

4. write letters.. at least once a month I didn’t get to do this per say.. I did however send out 12 letters but not once a month which really sucks… I only got the 12 because of Christmas cards I sent out… but yeah again this is one that is going to carry over for the next year.

5. quit smoking done and done!

6. learn to play the guitar no… but I am going to get this one to carry over as well

7. build confidence this really sucked! I think this year I was battling with depression and it was too hard to build confidence while I am sad and having problems with other things as well…

8. build stronger relationships I haven’t really been good with friends.. I try I really do but it just doesn’t seem to get done really well you know… anyway I have been going to my grandma’s house a lot lately and well it is good to make a routine of spending time with her.. so that she feels loved and all that good stuff.

9. clean daily well I didn’t do a good job with cleaning everyday I should have but I haven’t.. I have been working on this whole clean it before the new year. So I think that will have it done... and again this is going to carry out for the next year as well

10. dress nicer and take more consideration of how I look not very good at all. Need money I think

11. communicate more in spanish done and done .. going to my grandmas a lot has been helping this goal get accomplished.

1. Read at least 10 books this year
Wow so yeah I have done such a good job with this… I read a total of 25 books this year.. well so far.. of course I will have another month to finish the one I am reading… possibly more.. but yeah I feel good about doubling this goal (it helps even more that I have a library card now)

2. Lose 5 pounds a month
Unfortunately this hasn’t happened one bit.. I don’t even remember what I weighed at the beginning of this year. So I cant say that anything has changed.. but I do feel like things have gotten worse if anything. I will try to up this, this month.. maybe go on some massive diet and see if I can finish the year off with something I can be proud of

3. continue the no Soda with caffiene
ok again a no with this.. but I do drink more water… so its getting better

4. write letters.. at least once a month
I have only written 6 this year so far.. so I am 6 away, maybe I can send 6 christmas cards then… it sucks bc I don’t have anyone who want to do this with me… like people say they want penpals but then something goes wrong… it sucks!

5. quit smoking
Done and done!

6. learn to play the guitar
grr… I have the guitar and well there is no reason why this wouldn’t have happened… you know.. but yeah it’s the time constraints though.. maybe I can find sometime in December

7. build confidence
Unfortunately I thin this isn’t happening very well.. my self esteem is shot and well it just seems to be getting worse and worse.. I let people walk over me. And I let people hurt me… I need to work on this

8. build stronger relationships
I have been going to my grandma’s every weekend.. or at least every other weekend which is great for her and well alex and I really love it!

9. clean daily
Been working really hard at this.. not entirely successful but I have been doing this as soon well just decluttering a bit… which is great!

10. dress nicer and take more consideration of how i look
Yeah right! Haha ok I don’t have the money to do these things.. which annoys me really like soo much! I wish I had more money and time and what not to be just a girl…

11. communicate more in Spanish
As much as possible… yay!

i am going crazy.. i lost my cell phone on thursday.. apperently it fell out of my pants. which doesnt make sense i know.. i had it one minute then an hour later.. bah! it disappeared.. and the only places i could have put it are either my purse or my pants.. but yeah...


oh and to top that off this weekend i lost my planner.. the thing that has every single thing you can think of in it.. all the major dates, all class assignments. all future class stuff.. all my teacher contact info.. all the contact info for the stuff with whoever broke my car window (i need to veiw a tape of the vandalism) its driving me nuts!

how could i lose such things.. i feel like i am going crazy.. i cant function without that planner. i looked and looked and it just i dont know what happened to it!

so yesterday was my 26th bday.. and boy was it hell.. i know it may be selfish but i figured that my bday would be the one day when people should think of me first but of course that didnt happen...

my boyfriend didnt think ahead of time to take the day off.. which of course feels like shit... um.. then on his way home i asked him to get me some cheetos and he forgot that too...

my parents bought my gift the day of my bday, bc of course again they didnt think ahead of time. no cake, nothing.. my mother wanted to play cards, and we went to play, (my sister, caty and mom and i) and well my aunt asks me to dinner, which i decline bc i thought it would be rude to leave the card game..

shortly after, they make ribs (which i hate... they couldnt even make some food that i would like to eat) and then my mom quits the card game and says she has to go to bed bc my dad is an asshole (when yesterday she was able to go out and stay out till 11... my dad still being an asshole) so it was just an excuse.

so all in all, nobody thought about me first. i didnt hear from people i kinda expected to hear from. but oh well.. i need to change my life around. possibly break up with my boyfriend.. i spent all night last night crying. feeling like shit.

so yeah i am going to change who i am. i am not sure where its going to go, but this isnt right, i am not happy and i need to make changes that will enable me to be happy

so i just finished watching True Life MTV I'm a Meth Addict.... and well it sucks! but i live like a meth addict.. my room is trashed and well yeah i am up at 3. not doing anything of course (bc i even gave up drinking) but still i am coming off of being sick. and well i have this aweful earache and it keeps popping and well i cant sleep.. my head hurts.. i am sure that computer screen is probably not a good idea either but still.. i am bored!


oh.. today is x5prototype bday! happy bday nina, dont think i forgot about you! i cant call you bc my voice has well taken on this more manly tone to it (my throat feels like its closing up) so anyway happy bday hon! i hope its absolutely wonderful